Fullmeatal Alblender
by www.Wrathchan.com
Summary: HOLY CRAP, READ IT! I was EXTREMELY hyper when I wrote it. It's really random! OMG, I just put up another chapter...EET FANNNNY! Read it! NOW!
1. Fullmeatal Alblender!

Fullmeatal Al-blender

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"Five minutes, sir."

Edward Elric pulled on his white gloves. "Perfect."

Five Minutes later...

"Three...Two...ONE!"

"Hello, ladies and gents! Welcome Fullmeatal Al-blender, the best cooking show EVER!" Edward announced as the audience roared. "Thank you, thank you." he took a bow, proudly. "Today's audience is how to make shrimp cocktail...BY USING ALCHEMY! BWAHAHA!" the audience stood and cheered. Edward kept bowing. "Alright, quiet down!" The crown sat. "Okay, so in order to make this wonderful cocktail, you need several ingedients and tools..."

"You need, plenty of these cute, tender, lil' shrimps-WHICH I AM NOT-and, you need some cocktail sause, made with...whatever goes in cocktail sauce, and you need...umm...a plate...but the secret ingredient...is your freakin' huge, giant...BLENDER!" Ed said and bowed again. The audience was dead silent. "Where's the blender?" They asked. "Oh, he'll be out in a second...OH BLENDER!"

"D-do I come out now?" Asked a small voice from behind the curtain.

"Yes!" Edward yelled. There was a drum roll, and Al walked out from behind the curtain. "There we have it, some shrimp, cocktail sauce, and your giant blender!" The audience, once again, stood screaming. "WE LOVE YOU, BLENDER!" Al was pleased. "I love you all! Thank you, fans!"

Ed seemed irratated. "Okay, now we put the shrimp and the cocktail sauce in the blend---"

"WE LOVE YOU, BLENDER! BLENDER! BLENDER! BLENDER!" The crowd cheered, and Al started break-dancing. "Woot! Woot! Woot!" Ed was getting more and more ticked..."Uhh...COMMERCIAL BREAK!"

The announcer came on. "WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF...FULLMEATAL AL-BLENDER!"

(Commercials)

"Liuetenant Hawkeye! Guess what!"

"Lemme guess, you got a promotion?" She asked.

"That'd be nice, but no..." said Roy a bit disappointed.

"Oh, what is it then?" Hawkeye asked.

"I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY HOMUNCULI INSURENCE BY SWITHCING TO GEICO!"

"Uhhh...oh, uh, GREAT! THAT'S GREAT!" Riza said with a fake smile. "And...cut!" Said a voice in the background. "Augh...can I have my money now?" Riza asked. "Yea, me too!" Roy said, demangingly. The camera fizzed. "Oh, crap! I dropped the fu---"

(Commercials over)

The announcer was back. "WELCOME BACK TO FULLMEATAL AL-BLENDER!"

"Hey all! Alright, now we all have our ingredients, so...what do we have to do?" The crowd cheered and music started. "Put the shrimp in the blender, and mix it all up! Put the shrimp in the blender, and mix it all up!" The crowd cheered. Ed laughed, and put the shrimp and sauce in through Al's head. "Mix it! Mix it! Mix it! Mix it!" they chanted. Al started break-dancing again. "WHEEE!"

After two long minutes of 'mix it, mix it'...

"Okay! All done! Here ya go, judges."

The first judge, Paula Abdul (wtf), took a bite, and held up a sign. "Ten! You have such a gift!"

The second judge, Dr. Marco, took a bite, and passed out, because he was so old. "..."

The third judge, Slimy Cow-hoof, took a bite, and held up a sign, which read 'you suck, shrimp!' The audience threw tomatoes at him. When they ran out of tomatoes, they threw their children at him. "AAAH!"

"Calm down, I'll handle this!" Edward yelled. "Ahem...**WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-SO-SHORT-THEY-CAN'T-SCRATCH-YOU-FREAKIN-EYES-OUT! HUH, PUNK!**" The crowd was silent, and then, suddenly burst out cheering! "GO EDWARD! THAT'S OUR BOY!"

Ed bowed. "Thank you, and that's all the time we have! I hope you enjoyed another WONDERFUL episode of..."

The announcer finished. "FULLMEATAL AL-BLENDER!"

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Okay, I was really hyper, and it's kinda...random, so excuse me if it's a little stunning. R&R...PWEEEEESE! I BEG YOU!


	2. Fullmetal Chef

Fullmetal Chef!

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"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! BOYS AND GIRLS! Welcome to everybody's favorite competition cooking show...FULLMETAL CHEF!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" screamed the crowd. "Let's give it up for our host...IZUMI!" the announcer roared. Izumi appeared and began waving at the crowd. Then, she took a seashell out of her ear, and threw it at Hitler. "Thank you...thank you all!" Izumi shouted. Then, a baseball hit her in the stomach, and she threw up blood on Mr. Clean. "THE HELL WAZZAT FER, BITCH!" he shouted, taking out detergent and wiping it on a pigeon. The pigeon laid an egg. Izumi stood there doing nothing...

... "ON WITH THE FRICKIN SHOW!" The announcer screamed. Everyone sat back down. "Alright then..."

"In the red corner...we have our world-famous chef...you may know him from his own show, and from that time he punched the camera man on the today show for calling him a french fry...give it up for...EDWARD ELRIC!" Everyone shouted. Some people even took their socks off and put them on their heads...yes, that is rather strange...

"Thank you, you're all too kind." Edward said.

there was silence...

"WHERE'S THE BLENDER!" some random guy asked. "Don't worry, he's still getting his make-up on..."

Three Minutes Four days later...

"Okay, people, here's the moment you've all been waiting for...for four days...HE'S THE BLENDER!"

Alphonse walked out. He was gold, and had sparkles everywhere. The crowd was blinded. A few hobos even died. How tragic...

"WE WAITED FOUR DAYS FOR THAT!" Ed asked furiously. "No..." Alphonse said, ripping the gold, sparkly costume off. "I just like making a big entrance..." Edward twitched. "How...one earth...could it take someone...four friggin days...to get a costume on!" Al smiled. "Well...it wouldn't zip all the way, my back is too big, so I took it to the tailors, and they said it'd be tready in three days!"

Edward was silent. "We've been on air for days!" the camera man shouted. Silence. Then, an old lady came on the stage, and hit Alphonse with a rubber chicken. "CHIKIDY CHIKIDY CHEWWWWW!" she screamed.

"AND IN THE BLACK CORNER---" The announcer started. "I think we need to go for a commercial..." said Ed.

The announcer sighed. "...okay! We'll be right back with more! FULLMETAL CHEF!"

_Commercial Break_

"Can't you give me a loan?" asked a man over the phone.

"No...that's not what I get paid for." said Wrath.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeease?"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"hmmm...no...and if you don't stop asking, I'm gonna send one of this weird bugs I found in the Matricks over to you through the phone so it will eat your heart! "

"...please?"

"..."

There was screaming on the other line. "OH GOD! IT'S EATING MY HEART! OH GOD! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE! AAAAAAAH! MY FRICKIN EYE! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH MY GOD!"

Wrath put on a manicle smile. "Capital 2-much-hassle! What's left in your wallet? LINT! HAHAH! I LAUGH AT YOUR SOUL!"

_End Commercial Break_

"Welcome back to...FULLMETAL CHEF!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Okay, shut up...the SECOND contester...the legendary alchemist we all know and love...COLONEL ROY MUSTANG!"

Crowd cheered...stuff like that...Barney splodies...yeah...

"Both of our chefs have advantages here...Roy doesn't need to start a fire, and can cook things better, but Edward can slice things with his arm, and transmute the perfect meal." the announcer...uh, announced. (d'uh)

Izumi raised a flag. "Fullmetal Chefs get set...and...GOAH!"

Both chefs got to work, meanwhile, the announcer came on. "Today's ingredient is meat, brought to you by the best butching in town...Barry the butcher!" A single man stood and clapped (he was like :3) Everyone else, sighed and said. "RAYMOND, SIT DOWN, NOBODY LOVES YOU NOW THAT YOUR SHOW IS OVER!" the man sat, and cried.

Finally, the competition was over. The judges tasted both.

chewing...okay, I'm done... "YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS!" said the first judge who was...umm...how about...(OAH I KNOW!) a freakin slug (he goah AAAA-IIII-ARABA! IT'S ALLLRIGHT!) then, slug melt, because it had salt on it. Then, Gluttony came and ate him, and then, (instert name) ate him on a spoon. "YAAAY MADLIBS!" screamed Izumi.

"And the winner is...ME!" Izumi roared. "LET'S HAVE A PAHTY!" screamed Al. "Yeah!" Izumi said, throwing up blood.

Meanwhile, Roy walked away, because he was too sane for those people, and Edward later got arrested by the police for stealing Snoop Dog and selling him on E-bay! "I got punk'd!" said Ed.

AND THEY ALL JUST SPLODIES AFTER THAT!

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...I love ice cream...


End file.
